Math freaks me out sometimes. The uncertainty in life freaks me out too because, in the face of life, I am never in control. Frankly, I’d rather do the math. I wish my life were a transition matrix. I would just put the elements of my life into the grids, and then I could calculate, with simple multiplications, what my life will be like in a year or two. Or, if my life is a cost table, allowing me to calculate the marginal cost and revenue for every step I make in life, I would know where to stop in order to produce the profit-maximizing output. Or, if my life is expressed with dots on a scatterplot, I would know how far away I am from the predicted value. I could even change the regression line with a single outlier if I wanted to. I know that some of the life choices I made are sunk cost, which, economically speaking, is irrelevant to my future decisions. But if economists or firms have hearts, they would understand why it is so hard for me to end what I started, or to admit I was wrong. Sometimes the implicit part of the opportunity cost is hard to let go.
Perhaps I should stop living my life as if it were a guessing game. The game part was somewhat fun, but the guessing part was not. I wanted to be in control so much that I don’t want to guess; I want to know. Then perhaps I should stop living life as if I were solving a math problem. I tried to change the format of the problem but it turns out multiple choice is just as hard as a free response in this case. Maybe I should stop caring about answers because they no longer matter. Maybe I should stop searching for answers because there isn’t one.